You've Got Mail
by ChibiLaryla
Summary: Laryla gives Yoh and co. a computer with an email address but they never suspected the evil girl would give their address to many fangirls too! Now these poor people deal with their fans...one email at a time!
1. Prologue

**Author's Rants:** OMG parodirific. 'nuff said. D

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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**You've Got Mail**

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"What's this...?" asked Anna Kyoyama, staring at the large metal device in front of her. "It's called a computer Anna." answered Manta Oyamada as he made the final connections in hooking the CPU up.

"It was sure nice of Laryla to send us one. She also gave us e-mail addresses and the address of all of our friends!" Yoh said happily, holding a sheet of paper with e-mail addresses on it. Anna frowned. "I don't trust Laryla...she's up to something."

Manta turned on the computer and watched it boot up. "I agree with Anna. Laryla isn't the one to do something this nice without there being some kind of negative side effect."

Yoh shrugged. "It shouldn't be that bad. You two take things way too seriously." he said in his laid back tone. Manta opened Yoh's e-mail inbox and Yoh, Anna, and Manta's eyes widened. For on the screen it read.

"Welcome SamuraiAsakura, you have 462 e-mails in your inbox."

Anna frowned. "I knew it."

Yoh whimpered. "W-What the?"

And Manta winced. "Looks like this is gonna be a long night Yoh..." he said, trying to brighten the mood.

Meanwhile...

"Thank you so much!" squealed a very excited fangirl. Laryla smiled. "No problem! Anything for a fan." she watched the fangirl run off with a sheet of paper containing the e-mail addresses of every person in Mankin. Laryla snickered. "This should be very entertaining..."

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ChibiLaryla: I don't know how many of these there are in this section. But I'm just adding another one. I'll update this quite frequently so no worries. 


	2. Hao

**Author's Notes**: I thought I should make this chapter as soon as I posted the first one.

**Disclaimer**: I no own.

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**You've Got Mail**

* * *

The mighty Hao Asakura sat on a canyon on a hot summer day, glaring at a small laptop that Laryla gave him on his lap. The long haired Asakura stared at the screen and saw the number of e-mails in his inbox increase like mad. "I'm going to kill her..." he mumbled angrily at the sight of increasing numbers.

"47935 e-mails..." he grumbled. Hao took a deep breath. "But it would be so rude of me too ignore my loyal fans now would it?"

The brunette cracked his fingers and opened his inbox. Hao took another deep breath and prepared for the worst. He opened a random e-mail.

From: HeavenlyAngel69

To: StarOnFire783

Subject: OMG! I'm your number 1 fan!

Hao stared at the subject. He had a feeling he'd see a lot of that...

_Dear my loving Hao,_

"Hmm... I'm liking this already... _loving_" He chuckled.

_OMG, Hao Asakura, I LUV you! You're so sexah and I want you to bare my children! Write Back!_

_You're Future Wife,_

_Heavenly_

Hao was almost blind by all the exclamation marks. And future wife? What's up with that? Not to mention the fact that one of his followers wanted to have their kids with them. "Pfft. As if I'd let a commoner bare MY offspring." said Hao. He hit the reply button and started to punch the keys.

_Dear Heavenly,_

_There is no way in hell I'd ever have babies with you..._

"No...That's making me sound cruel..." Hao frowned, holding down the backspace button.

_I appreciate your love, but I'm far too busy to put my conquest of annihilating all humans, such as yourself aside to settle down and wed a non-shamanic person. But don't stop worshipping me. ) I might spare you when the time comes._

_Your future ruler,_

_Hao_

_**SEND**_

"There! That wasn't too hard." Hao released a satisfied laugh. "This will be a piece of cake!" He opened the next e-mail.

From: superiorbeingx3

To: StarOnFire

Subject: I will over throw you.

_Hao,_

"What happened to loving!" Hao asked, frowning.

_U r crazy. U need serious help. I think Yo is awesomer than u. I bet I am more powerful than u will evah b. So u mite as well give up now._

_From,_

_Superior_

This one made Hao crack up. His lack of spelling (Misspelling his brother's name mostly.) and that he thinks he is more powerful than the almighty Hao Asakura was fresh. But thinking of a reply for this nut might be a bit difficult.

_Dear "Superior"_

Oh yes, the quotations on superior was good.

_You think you are better than me? Do YOU have a giant spirit than can crush anything? Do you have the looks that women live on? I will be glad to kill you with my own hands for your arrogance._

Hao paused. Was this pitiful e-mail worth replying too?

Nope.

DELETE!

The Asakura placed the laptop aside and laid back on the huge rock. "Two down... forty-seven, nine hundred thirty-three more to go..."

47933 e-mails too read...

Hao groaned. He was gonna really kill Laryla now. He sat up. "I can't stop now." he said to himself. He'll somehow do this. He just has to be positive. Hao reached for his laptop again and set it on his lap. "Here we go." he said, opening the next e-mail.

From: AsAkUrAbAbY3398

To: StarOnFire

Subject: hi!

_Dear Hao,_

_I am a loyal follower of you! I have shaman powers too! And I have 10 spirits!_

Hao stopped...TEN spirits! That's more than the shaman council has. But nonetheless, this was a follower.

_One of my spirits is a fox with angel wings! Another is an angel herself! All my spirits are ultra powerful and when they combine together, they form a gigantic spirit more powerful than the Great Spirits! I think we should team up together. I can be a HUGE help in dominating the world too! Plus, people say I'm REALLY pretty. So, you never know!_

_Love,_

_Jamie Asakura_

"Whoa, what?" Hao squinted his eyes. "Jamie Asakura...? Is she one of my relatives? I've never heard of her..." Hao scratched his head. "This is preposterous." he snorted. "I think this is worse than that Superior guy... tsk. But none the less..."

_Dear Jamie,_

_Do I know you?_

"Should I just stop there...?"

_Are you like... my long lost cousin? Oh! I know, I bet you're my "secret twin sister separated at birth"! You are some character my dear. And I find it HIGHLY impossible for a shaman to have ten spirits. If you say you're so strong, why haven't I've heard of you? If you say you're so pretty, why didn't you dazzle me with your photo? No matter, I'm not interested in your offer Ms. Jamie. Have a nice day. And I hope to see you at my next family reunion._

_Hao Asakura_

_**SEND**_

Hao smoothed his long hair back, and started on the next.

From: shamanluver6236

To: StarOnFire

Subject: (no subject)

_Dear Zeke,_

"HOLD UP!" Hao stared at the name. "ZEKE? Who the hell is this Zeke?"

_U are so awesome. Your SoF is awesome too._

"S...o...F?"

_I luv your pants also. And my name is Zeke too! What are the odds:D_

_Your fan,_

_Zeke_

"Oh boy..." Hao sighed. This is gonna take a while...

_Dear Zeke,_

_I have no idea what you are talking about. My name is Hao Asakura. You are definitely no fan of mine if you don't even know my name. And what the hell is the SoF?_

_Hao_

_P.S. Thank you for the compliment about my pants. I love them too._

_**SEND**_

Hao closed his laptop, for he had enough... "But..." he pondered. "Who else is a victim to Laryla's insane plot?"

Meanwhile...

"What is this!" exclaimed a panicked little Lyserg. He had 702 e-mails and growing in his inbox. Oh Morphine! What am I going to do!" Lyserg ran around in circles, pulling out his hair.

Meanwhile...

"What the hell?" asked a certain Chinese shaman. Ren Tao, 9146 e-mails in his inbox. Ren bashed the computer screen. "Damn that woman! I should've suspected as much..."

"What is it little brother?" ask Jun Tao, Ren Tao's older sister as she walked into the room. Ren's spike shot up as he stared at his computer screen.

Was this mayhem cease anytime soon?

Of course not.

**To be continued...**

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ChibiLaryla: There's chapter two. Chapter three shall be up shortly. 


	3. HoroHoro

**Author's Rants**: This is the first time I've written something, then posted two more chapters on the same week. o.o Whoa.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Shaman King.

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**You've Got Mail**

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"Onii-sama, what is that?" asked Pirika, younger sister to HoroHoro. "THIS my dear sister is called a _com-pu-t-er_...or whatever it's called. Laryla gave it to us and hooked us up with e-mails and stuff." said the blue haired shaman, HoroHoro. The two siblings stared at an empty laptop screen. "What does it do?" the blue haired girl asked, poking the screen. "It does... AMAZING STUFF!" Horo replied.

"Like what?" Pirika asked, blinking in utter confusing.

"Like...stuff!"

"What kind of stuff?"

"E-mails and other things."

"Why didn't you say that before?"

"...Don't you have to go somewhere?"

"Well, now that you mentioned it. I'm gonna play with Kororo! Goodbye big brother!" Pirika waved and exited their hut.

Once his little sister left; Horo turned his attention back to the small device in front of him. "Now let's see... how to make it work..." Horo started groping the hardware, finding an on button.

Two hours later...

"Yay! It's on!" Horo cheered; but even though he was able to turn the small thing on, he almost paid the price of totally tearing the laptop apart piece by piece. Horo finally opened his inbox.

"Wow! I didn't know I had so many fans!" exclaimed HoroHoro. He stared at the 2571 e-mails in his inbox with a large grin on his face. "I bet I have more than Ren. Hehehe!" he snickered. The Usui sat in his hut, a laptop on his lap and watched the e-mails grow.

"2572, 2573, 2574..." He counts. "I am so awesome! Hahaha!" HoroHoro cackled. He opened the first e-mail in excitement and began.

From: Basonheaver9735

To: SnowingKoroPoro0001

Subject: (no subject)

_Dear HoroHoro,_

_Is your hair color natural or did you dye it that color? And do you know how to ski? And is your sister single?_

_Bason_

HoroHoro stared at the e-mail in irritation. The thought of 2574 e-mails that will sound similar to the one in front of him gave Horo a tingle down his spine. He hit the reply button and pecked at the keys.

_Bason,_

_Yes, my hair IS really blue. Is blue such a bad color? I mean, the sky is blue but you don't ask if it's its natural color or not. And I have no clue how to ski. I bet you asked that from the phrase "If you can snowboard, you can ski." And that's not true...trust me, I've tried skiing once and I ended up breaking a number of my bones and destroying a koropokkur village... o.o_

_HoroHoro_

_P.S. D: And why do you want to know if Pirika is single huh? I won't let you date her. Who knows what kind of jerk will rape her!_

_**SEND**_

"Pfft... Is Pirika single...GAH!" Horo scuffed. He rubbed is negative emotions off and opened the next.

From: HoroTao743614

To: SnowingKoroPoro0001

Subject: A serious question

_Dear HoroHoro,_

_Have you ever thought of pairing up with Ren Tao? Come on:wink: I know you like him!_

_Yaoiluver_

"WHAT?" Horo screamed as he read the text. His scream caused a small avalanche near his home but luckily, Horo and laptop was not harmed. HoroHoro blushed a crimson red as his finger slammed on the reply button.

_Dear Yaoiluver,_

_How dare you say such a thing! I hate that Tao jerk! There's no way EVER that we could pair up! GROSS!_

_Horo_

_**SEND**_

HoroHoro leaned back and crossed his arms in disapproval. Did the fans actually think he would hook up with his rival? Pshshaw! But a thought crossed his mind, did he or Ren give any type of hint that made people think that he and Ren were an item? "Ugh!" Horo sat up and opened the next e-mail, hoping this one would get him and Ren out of his mind.

From: animequeen96571

To: SnowingKoroPoro0001

Subject: I luv u!

_Dear Trey,_

_I think you are so cool. Will you be my friend?_

_animequeen_

"T-Trey?" HoroHoro shed a tear. "She's calling me 'Trey'? Like...something you eat off of? How mean!" Horo hit reply and pecked the keys with a determined expression to punch the right keys.

_animequeen,_

_Why do you call me names? What did I ever do to you? Does it have to do with the fact that I like food? But that doesn't make any sense! I will not be friends with people who will call me names!_

_HoroHoro_

_P.S. See? HoroHoro is MY NAME!_

_**SEND**_

Horo grunted. Only three e-mails and he already had enough. "I wonder if Ren is going through the same thing..." He paused. "GAH! RENNNN!" The thought of Yaoiluver's e-mail returned to his thoughts. He sobbed and opened the next letter.

From: angelicfairy5518

To: SnowingKoroPoro0001

Subject: hi!

_Dear HoroHoro,_

_Do you think you can hook up with Ren?_

"NO!" Horo yelled out. He quickly deleted the message. "I'm not gonna put up with people thinking Ren and I like each other! RAWR!" HoroHoro lifted his laptop and threw to clear across the room. The device slammed into the wall and smashed against the floor, shattering into many little pieces. "Humph!" HoroHoro crossed his arms and pouted like a small child.

But just then, another laptop appeared right in front of him. "What the?" Horo stared at the new computer that sat in front of him. "But I just..." he glanced over and saw the smashed up laptop right where it was. "Grr." Horo picked up the new computer and smashed it against the wall. It computer shattered and fell on top of the old one.

POOF!

Another laptop appeared in front of the blue haired boy. "WHAT?" He continued the process of annihilating the electronic thing only to have a new one appear each time. "WHAT IS GOING ON!" Horo yelled, pulling his hair out.

Meanwhile...

"Tsk, tsk, you can't stop now. This is getting so much fun!" Laryla said happily as she stood in front of a mirror and stared at Horo in his dismay. The girl chuckled. "Authoress privileges are awesome! HAHAHA!" Laryla cackled.

**To be continued...**

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ChibiLaryla: Hahaha. I'm so mean. o.o I hope people don't actually e-mail these addresses... xD But I know someone will... Hehehe. 


	4. Lyserg

**Author's Rant**:watching s-Cry-ed opening :D I just love this song! It's so awesome. Plus, it has almost one of the best yaoi pairings. xD Ryuho x Kazuma! Yay!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Mankin. D:

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**You've Got Mail**

* * *

Last time...

"**What is this!" exclaimed a panicked little Lyserg. He had 702 e-mails and growing in his inbox. Oh Morphine! What am I going to do?" Lyserg ran around in circles, pulling out his hair.**

Before then...

"Thank you very much Ms. Laryla. You're so thoughtful!" exclaimed Lyserg happily, hugging his laptop. Of course he already HAD a computer...but his old one was crap and never thought of buying a new one.

"It was my pleasure Lyserg-kun!" Laryla bellowed. She waved goodbye to him and left, softly whispering "sucker." underneath her breath.

Lyserg closed his door and skipped happily, laptop in arms, to his desk; humming a joyful tune. As he placed the computer on his desk, Morphine fluttered towards her master. "Hello Morphine!" Lyserg sung. The fairy smiled and sat on Lyserg's shoulder as he booted up the device. A couple minutes later and...

Now...

"What is this!" exclaimed a panicked little Lyserg. He had 702 e-mails and growing in his inbox. Oh Morphine! What am I going to do?" Lyserg ran around in circles, pulling out his hair.

Morphine had a worried look on her face. She flew to Lyserg's face and expressed a face as if saying. "You mustn't disappoint these people." Lyserg calmed down and returned to his seat. "You're right Morphine. I'm going to answer these e-mails!" Optimistic Lyserg opened the first message and began reading.

From: shamanangel8260

To: SwingingPendulum

Subject: Hiya!

_Dear Lyserg,_

_u r so cool. i wish i had ur hair style. i lyke ur pink fairy 2._

_Angel_

Lyserg whimpered at all the grammar mistakes in those THREE sentences. Did he dare reply to it? It would be rude not too...but still...it was going to be really hard.

_Dear Angel,_

_Thank you so much for your compliment. But I'd appreciate it that when you talk to me, please use better grammar. D: No capitalization and usage of full words makes me cry. And lastly, my "pink fairy" has a name and her name is Morphine. ):_

_Lyserg_

_**SEND**_

Lyserg leaned back against his chair. Did all fans have bad typing and grammar? If they did then he was better off turning off his computer and just going on with his life. But we couldn't let that happen, because then, the chapter would end short. So, he opened the next letter.

From: Lysergangel8376

"Ooh! Someone named themselves after me! How admirable!" Lyserg said happily.

To: SwingingPendulum

Subject: (no subject)

_Lyserg,_

_I love you. You are my favorite character and your main color is green (which is my favorite color:D) and Morphine is really pretty. By the way, do you love the Iron Maiden Jeanne?_

_Lyserg Angel_

Lyserg blushed madly. _Did_ he love Jeanne-sama? Of course she was his leader for a while when he was a part of the X-LAWS and stuff...and she was very attractive and had quite a bit in common with him. He clicked reply and hesitantly started his answer.

_Dear Lyserg Angel,_

_Thank you for all the compliments; I like green too. As for your question: I am very fond of Jeanne-sama but I can't say if I love her or not. Plus...I don't really think she likes me like that. :blush: I do keep in contact with her every now and then to see how she's doing. I guess she's just a good friend._

_Lyserg_

_**SEND**_

Lyserg felt a little better about himself about the fact that there was a least one e-mail that he read wasn't pointless. He opened the next.

From: shamanmanster884

To: SwingingPendulum

Subject: u suck

_How could u pair up with a group who's AGAINST the almighty Hao-sama? U suck, I hope u burn in hell._

_master_

"How mean! He hurt my self-esteem..." Lyserg shed a tear. He was about to click the reply but shook his head. "No follower of Hao deserves an e-mail from me!" Lyserg puffed his cheeks and deleted the e-mail. "What makes Hao so attracting anyway? He's a total jerk..." Lyserg opened another message.

From: HoroTao743614

To: SwingingPendulum

Subject: What if?

_Dear Lyserg,_

_If you were standard on a desert island and you were really horny and Marco and Ryu were the only people with you...who would you love on?_

_Yaoiluver_

"WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" Lyserg slammed his fist on the desk and grinded his teeth. Morphine leaped off of his shoulder in fright. "Ugh!" Lyserg tried to calm himself down. "That is so disgusting..." he mumbled. Lyserg hit reply and started typing.

_Dear Yaoiluver,_

_That is so gross to think who I would love on. Both of them are like...15-20 years older than I am! I know Ryu thought I was a girl the first time we met and I have a tendency to cling to Marco but EW! Plus, I think Marco likes Jeanne. o.o But who doesn't like Jeanne? (Except Hao...) and Ryu just isn't my type...period..._

_Lyserg_

_**SEND**_

The green haired boy buried his head in his palms. "People are so gross sometimes..." Morphine rested on her master's shoulder again. Lyserg closed the laptop and stood up. "I've had enough e-mails for one day Morphine. Let's play detective!" Lyserg grabbed his hat and map and pendulum and rushed out the door.

Meanwhile...

"Well, that was boring..." Laryla scoffed and waved her hand in front of the mirror. "But the game isn't over yet... BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

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ChibiLaryla: Why did I put Lyserg x Jeanne fluff in there? o.O;;; I don't really like Lyserg and Jeanne together... Oh well. FAUST IS NEXT! HAHAHA! 


	5. Faust VIII

**Author's Rants**: Wow... o.o I totally forgot all about you guys:shot: It is summer again and even though I have better things to do like play RagnarokOnline, Shin Megami Tensei, Shadow Hearts, Grandia III, We Love Katamari, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc, etc. I am cursed with writing this crap. xD That's ok. I don't mind...really...I don't. D: As long as You-Know-Who would update her Roxas fic! (You know who you are!)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing already

* * *

**You've Got Mail**

* * *

_Diiinnnggg. BEEEEP! Do-doo-do-da-dooooo RIIINNNNGGGGG!_ Laryla stood behind the Necromancer, Faust VIII as he logged into his inbox...WITH DIAL-UP! "Ummm...are you sure you don't want a new one Faust?" Laryla asked the man in make-up

"Nonsense! This computer has been in my family for generations!" Faust protested.

"But-computers haven't been invented long enough to be past down from generations..." Laryla pointed out innocently.

"Silence! This was my very first computer and I will never get rid of it! Never!" Laryla scooted back. "A-Alright...if you insist..." The secret villainess evacuated the room in a stealthy manner.

Eliza, who was standing near her husband the whole time placed her hand on her loved one's shoulder and made a face as if saying "Maybe you ought to get a new one." But Faust just shook his head in disapproval. Eliza just stood back to the side and obeyed her partner. Faust opened his first e-mail.

From: Deadly3liz

To: Necrozombimaster

Subject: Good day!

_Dear Faust VIII_

_You are my favorite character! I love your pants! Are you boots and pants like...connected or something? Oo;;; And do you brush your hair? It looks pretty messy. And do you put on make-up EVERYDAY? Do you wash it off? I mean, you can clog your pores and break out if you don't wash your make-up off. And why don't you just let Eliza go? There are plenty of women who'll go out with you. Like...me for instance. :D I'm sure our age difference isn't that bad! Please e-mail me back with your response!_

_Love,_

_Deadly3liz_

Faust scratched his head, did the Thinker pose, and then scratched his head again. How was he going to reply to all of these pointless questions? He moved his mouse to hit reply.

Long wait for the page to load.

Faust is still waiting...

Still waiting...

The blonde grumbles. "I need to ditch dial-up..."

Still waiting...

And finally! The page loads and Faust begins his reply.

_Dear Deadly3liz,_

_Umm... thanks for your e-mail. It means a lot to me that you like me this much._

"Am I being too nice?" Faust VIII stroked his chin and stared at his two sentences. After minutes of thought he made some modifications.

_Thank you for your e-mail. I'm flattered that I'm your favorite character; since everyone is mostly attracted to Yoh-kun, Ren-kun, and Hao. -.- My boots aren't a part of my pants. I make them look that way because it just looks groovy like that... do kids these guys still say "groovy"? xD I'm getting so old..._

_And about my make-up, I have emotional issues ok? And I'll never let my precious Eliza go again. We'll be together forever. So I'm afraid I'll have to turn down your offer._

_Faust VIII_

_**SEND**_

Faust got teary-eyed. "How can someone tell me to free Eliza? That's like trying to lick your elbow—impossible!" He took a deep breath and opened the next message.

From: Vmpi3r-bAbY

To: Necrozombimaster

Subject: (no subject)

_Hey. I'm a fan of yours. I can totally understand how you feel. My grandmother doesn't understand me, my mother grounded me for getting F's on my report cards, my boyfriend dumped me for a preppy skank, and I broke my fake black nails. Let's get together sometime and discuss how life sucks._

_From,_

_3mo_

Faust's eye twitched. "Wow...what teenage angst..." He hit reply.

_Dear 3mo,_

_And I thought I had problems. My dear you have my sympathy but seriously. GET A LIFE. Step outside and breathe in the fresh air and get over it. And for your information my life doesn't suck since I have Eliza with me. But I seriously hope things get better for you._

_Faust VIII_

_**SEND.**_

The necromancer moved the mouse over to the next e-mail and double-clicked. The mouse turned into an hourglass and spun around indicating that it's loading.

Twenty minutes later...

The little hourglass was still turning. Eliza has gotten quite bored and has ended up knitting a sweater. Our favorite guy in make-up tapped his long fingers in irritation. After a few more minutes Faust became quite intolerable. He began to press random buttons rapidly until...

BUMBUMBUM!

The blue screen of death appeared saying his computer has crashed. "...&$#&($#&!" Faust cursed out. He heaved as he held down the ctrl, alt, delete buttons and the old piece of crap has restarted. Faust glanced back towards his beloved only to see an "I told you so" expression. The blonde grumbled as he faced the old computer again. He doubled clicked on his inbox...

_RIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG...BIIIIZZZZZZZZZ...GRRRRRRRR... Do-da-dooooo...EHHHHHHHHH!_

Faust bit his lower lip, trying to resist sending this old box to the Grim Reaper. Finally! The inbox loaded and Faust immediately opened an e-mail before anything else could happen.

From: banana69donut

To: Necrozombimaster

Subject: Wish you were bigger?

_Hello! I am here to tell you about our newest product! When you're in bed making love to your lover do you become self-conscious about your manhood? Well, fear no more my friend as our SuperViagraXYZ will make all your troubles go away. So you can go from an 8" to a 14"!_

_Click here to see our before and after pictures_

Faust stared wide-eyed at the message. SPAM? All the trouble he went through to read fanmail and all he gets is spam! Oh, that was it for Faust. He was gonna destroy his piece of junk.

"Hmm... Maybe I should forward this to little Manta-san and Ryu-san."

After he forwards his spam...

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ChibiLaryla : o.o There. I have no real rants right now. Nothing really to say. 


End file.
